Duked

I got duked, She duked me.

Of course it's Saturday night the mood is right, people are partying having a good time, you made your presences felt here. The only thing left for you to do is to Mariano Rivera a dime piece and get the hell out of there. You see your target and your feeling really good about this one, the piece's are all coming together. You give her a baby smile and run your hand down her back, she melts like a coco chip cookie in your hand on a hot summer day. You located an extraction point and start going at it, but something just doesn't feel right. The more and more you suck face with her you start to realize the problem. Girls got no lips... It's literally as if your hooking up with a skeleton. There is nothing you can do at this point your past the point of no return, you'll have to make do. The intensity gets jacked up 5 levels to try and compensate for the lack of lips, your thinking crush fest all the way here. Then, problem number 2 occurs. The more you suck face with her the less time you have. Your sucking the beer/vodka taste/smell right out of her mouth, and let me tell you the beer and vodka was a blessing in disguise. This broad just turned two on you faster than if Mo Vaughn and David Ortiz were running the bases. She's got no lips and horrid breath, she would have put a lesser man in a early grave with that fire she was breathing. I stand my ground though and try everything in the book to make do with this, I only have one option left. I'm going muff diving. Common knowledge would say this would be a terrible idea considering the girl doesn't even know how to clean her mouth, but I'm a man of the seas and I've seen it all before. I get down there in a hurry, I'm not wasting anytime anymore, its all business now. The perimeter is clear and thats all ways a good sign, I have not even broke ground yet and she's already moaning. I finally get a clear look at it and its looking fantastic, but she duked me before so I'm not getting my hopes up..... I start off with the ABCs and right then and there I knew it, I struck GOLD gentlemen. It had everything, clean taste, awesome smell, and best of all it was in better shape than Serena Williams. I was one happy sailor, singing fight songs as I'm chowing down.

Moral of the story: "It's true, it really is three strikes and your out!"

-NNY