Dummy Baseball

Last night in Los Angeles another classic corky baseball moment occured with Donny Baseball him self at the center of the controversy. Now im not going to sit here and rip on a pin stripe hero, but Donny, my boy, what were you thinking last night? Every one knows when a reliever is on the mound, two trips to the mound, will also cost you a trip to the bullpen. Its the same principal as banging a younger chick in college. You can only go to the well once, because if you come back for more she's going to fall in love with you and going to cost you more than she's worth. Granted, the Hit Man just barely stepped off the mound and if anything it was more of a reaction to James Loney's question than an instance of Mattingly forgetting the rules. At the end of the night though Jonathan Broxton (Dodgers All Star Closer) had to be pulled from the game because of Mattingly's error and the Giants ended up winning the game. You can't put the loss solely on Donny's shoulders because it was the players who didnt execute, but when your on a 6 game losing streak Mattingly's mistake does not help. The plus side to this debacle last night is the umpires finally got a call right this season. The umpires have been on the wrong side of every big call this year and have really been feeling the heat for it. With instant replay creeping down the back of the umps necks, every right call is a big call for them.

- Nikky New York

Five Star Flick

Inception was inspiring. Between the awesome, highly creative, action scenes and a dream jumping plot, this movie was a perfect game. The cohesive cast delivered a better performance than that rat drew brees did in the super bowl. Whether you usually undress the cute alternative girl (Ellen Page) or the mysterious back stabbing bitch (Marion Cotillard), you get the best of both worlds in this one. For such a complex thought and idea of a movie, your never lost. Christopher Nolan holds your hand through out the entire movie making sure you never lose your way, you would have thought he was your sorry excuse of a girlfriend. Speaking of girlfriends, you can kill two birds with one stone with Inception, a huge plus for the men. With its entertaining action and love lines its suitable for you and the woman with out too many annoying complaints. All in all and without ruining the movie for you, Inception scored big with me in the big office this weekend. It honorably earned Nikky New Yorks stamp of approval.

In laymans terms: Get off your fat ass and go see it, its worth it.

-Nikky

Devils Ink Kovalchuk To 17 Year Deal Worth 100 mill+

Remember how shocked you were when you heard that Tiger Woods, the golden child himself was slaying some of the dirtiest broads in the world? Yeah well this is 100 times more shocking because were talking about the New Jersey Devils here, the swamp rats themselves. The Devils have never been huge players in free agency but this summer they showed that they're willing to do whatever it takes to get Fatso one more cup, even if it means crippling the franchise for roughly the next 2 decades. The reason this comes as a shock to all that follow hockey is that the Devils attendance is in the bottom third of the league and making a 17 year financial commitment taking a player until he is 44 years old is asinine. This deal also puts the Devils over the cap limit for the 2010-2011 season meaning that Brian Rolston, Bryce Salvadore, Danius Zubrus, and Colin White should take my business card and let me sell their houses because two of these four are on their way out. Let me try and put this in perspective for all you folks out there. By the time this contract is over Justin Bieber will have hair on his sac, Derek Jeter will be 53 and have a plaque in monument park, the devils current GM Lou Lamoriello (who made the deal) will most likely be dead, and I will be 36 years old winin, dinin and 69'in with my wife. Shit, by the end of this deal the New York Mets may just win a world series (lets not get carried away now). But I'll tell you this much when I'm 36 years old and the Devils inevitably go bankrupt I will not accept any transfer fans into the greatest arena in the world. 

Ahh, Ohh, OHHH The ESPYs

What the Frank Thomas happened at the ESPYs tonight. I thought I turned on the tube tonight to watch the annual greatest two hours of sports highlights, but I was sorely mistaken. Thank the good lord baby jesus I was wrong. It was like a god damn porno out there. Babe after babe after babe after dime after beauty after smoke show after heartthrob after knockout after fox after dish appeared on camera tonight. This could have easily been the best television I have ever watched, leave it to ESPN to produce sick highlight tapes with new Eminem beats in the background and as I've previously mentioned before put 20+ ridiculously gorgeous girls on prime time TV (and not having to pay for it). I was about to Kobe Bryant in Denver the TV screen.

Heres the line up of some of tonight's heros that no all star game will ever touch:

Brooklyn Decker (as seen above)
Ashley Greene
January Jones
Bianca Kajlich
Brittany Brees
Danica Patrick
Marisa Miller
Deanna Favre
Emmanuelle Chriqui
Erin Andrews
Lindsey Vonn
Dara Torres

- Nik

What Goes Up....

Must come down. That is exactly what happened Tuesday night in Anaheim, gravity took over. The American League won the last 12 MLB all star games and settled for a tie in another. The National League hadn't seen and victory since 1996 and something had to give at Angles Stadium last night. In a typical low scoring summer classic were the radar gun was more inflated than the Hindenburg and the base running looked like little league softball players, the National league pulled out a gritty one hit take all 3-1 victory. The game was obviously fun to watch because of all the star power and because from some reason every other pitcher was throwing 100 MPH but the prestigious summer classic needs changes like Nazi Germany did. The way the game is coached or dictated by unwritten rules just does not make sense. If this game really is going to be the deciding factor on who receives home field advantage in the World Series why is there a pitching change every one or two innings? Why does every team have to have an all star (Pittsburgh Pirates)? The magnitude of the game and the way the game is managed by the MLB and the managers in the game just does not add up. The real story last night though was the passing of George Steinbrenner, the New York Yankees owner. No one in the last 40 years, player, coach, owner, commissioner in baseball has had a bigger impact on baseball than him. He flipped a 8 million dollar franchise into a 1.5 billion dollar asset and turned the NY Yankee symbol into a world wide icon. Players in all 4 major sports in America can thank old Georgey, the guy invented the multi-million dollar contract. Steinbrenner was willing to dish out any amount of money in order to win and thats why despite some of his wild antics, he was one of the most well respected men in sports. He was the owner of the greatest sports franchise in American history and set the blueprint for every other American sport franchise to follow. He was quoted saying more than once "Breathing first, winning second" and he meant it, nothing was more important to George Steinbrenner than winning. Rest in peace my man.

-Nikky New York

The Backwards Hat

Watching the MLB Home Run Derby last night I could not help but get a little water in the eyes when Nike's "Goodbye, Baseball. Hello, Cooperstown." commercial came on. Nike, honors Griffey's masterful swing and awesome career in a fantastic commercial. Ken Griffey Jr. finished up his career with 630 dingers, a moster number, but the best part about those 630 big flies is that swing. Griffey will not just go to the Hall for his numbers but he might very well have the sweetest stroke of all time. Some say his swing is smoother than Rachel McAdams cheeks, others compare it to Egypian silk, ether way it's one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. Griffey's legacy does not just stop at his swing or his high flying defense though, JR invented the backwards hat. The backwards hat is probably the most monumental invention since the remote control, it's basically the 90's signature on time. I personally owe some of the best dime piece pulls in my career to the backwards hat, which directly means I am in debt to you JR.

Thank you, you were a pleasure for all of us to watch.

The video for the kids : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H49flqYG7VM&feature=player_embedded

-Nikky

Duked

I got duked, She duked me.

Of course it's Saturday night the mood is right, people are partying having a good time, you made your presences felt here. The only thing left for you to do is to Mariano Rivera a dime piece and get the hell out of there. You see your target and your feeling really good about this one, the piece's are all coming together. You give her a baby smile and run your hand down her back, she melts like a coco chip cookie in your hand on a hot summer day. You located an extraction point and start going at it, but something just doesn't feel right. The more and more you suck face with her you start to realize the problem. Girls got no lips... It's literally as if your hooking up with a skeleton. There is nothing you can do at this point your past the point of no return, you'll have to make do. The intensity gets jacked up 5 levels to try and compensate for the lack of lips, your thinking crush fest all the way here. Then, problem number 2 occurs. The more you suck face with her the less time you have. Your sucking the beer/vodka taste/smell right out of her mouth, and let me tell you the beer and vodka was a blessing in disguise. This broad just turned two on you faster than if Mo Vaughn and David Ortiz were running the bases. She's got no lips and horrid breath, she would have put a lesser man in a early grave with that fire she was breathing. I stand my ground though and try everything in the book to make do with this, I only have one option left. I'm going muff diving. Common knowledge would say this would be a terrible idea considering the girl doesn't even know how to clean her mouth, but I'm a man of the seas and I've seen it all before. I get down there in a hurry, I'm not wasting anytime anymore, its all business now. The perimeter is clear and thats all ways a good sign, I have not even broke ground yet and she's already moaning. I finally get a clear look at it and its looking fantastic, but she duked me before so I'm not getting my hopes up..... I start off with the ABCs and right then and there I knew it, I struck GOLD gentlemen. It had everything, clean taste, awesome smell, and best of all it was in better shape than Serena Williams. I was one happy sailor, singing fight songs as I'm chowing down.

Moral of the story: "It's true, it really is three strikes and your out!"

-NNY

Ta, Ta, Today, LBJ

God Damn. How much longer could princess James possibly take? At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if LeBron was ten minutes late for his own prime time event due to hair and make up malfunctions. LeBron James should be fined by the NBA for inconveniencing the whole world and then he should apologize to every other NBA player for making him self larger than the NBA. I didn't know free agency was a beauty pageant, people catering to LeBron at his every move, giving him a prime time slot to do what....? Announce where he's playing next year? Let's not forget, LeBron has never won a championship and has only been to one where the Spurs ravaged the Cavs and sent them home in 4. Granted the guy has not had much around him, but his attitude and the way he went out the last two year's made me lose tons of respect for the guy. James has a lot of thinking to do today, for a guy that demands the largest stage for all of his appearances he has not shown he can shine in the lime light yet. LJB can surely turn around another franchise like he did in Cleveland but can he win the ship? My uneducated advice to you Lebron, go to Miami and let Wade show you how to get fitted for that ring. Plus, you might get feed to the dogs in New York.

- Nikky NY

SHOVE IT IN THERE, IT WILL FIT!

Thats exactly what el capitan (Giovanni Van Bronckhorst) did, he shoved that ball right into the back of the net. A 30 yard laser guided missile heading right towards the top right corner of Uruguay's world cup final dreams. By far the nicest smash of the world cup which has been limited to very few dramatic and masterful goals. This was a god send for FIFA sent directly from Bronckhorst's lefty noodle steel toe smash, because frankly the world cups been somewhat short of memorial moments. Except of course for our boys second half heroics in the Slovenia and Algeria games.

Heres the video that has captivated my heart, click on the first soccer ball on the time chart on the Netherlands side:

http://soccernet.espn.go.com/gamecast?id=264120&cc=5901&ver=us

-Nikky

Suck Me Beautiful

July officially marks the beginning of the dogs days of summer and let's be honest for the casual bronx bombers fan Kimberly Jones is the only reason we turn on the tube night in and night out. What the casual fan does not realize is that night in and night out Kimberly Jones is no doubt getting her vagina torn the pieces by non-other than Alex Rodriguez. Does anybody else notice that right after A-Rod crushes walk-offs she immediately starts giving him the eyes knowing that not only is he about to get pie but A-Rod's also going to give Kim her fair share of cream pies later on in the night. I mean look at this picture of K. Jones taken after A-Rod's salami and all she has on her mind is sausage. You bet your ass that little bit of tongue she's showing to go along with the slight unzipping of the jacket is nothing short of foreplay.  But once October comes Kim you better keep your little minx ass away from A-Rod because he's got bigger fish to fry, i.e. Kate Hudson. That bitch better be back in the Bronx this October because A-Rod's stats while he's boffin her are off the fucking richter scale.